Friday, May 25, 2007
Playing with meds
I know I shouldn't, but I've decided to try to quit the Paxil that I've been on for the last four years. I'm aware some people have experienced severe side effects quitting cold turkey, so I'm keeping my eyes open for that. Yesterday was the second day I didn't take it and the only thing I really noticed was a headache. And I slept last night. Which is a withdrawl symptom I think I can deal with, and was hoping for!
I've decided to stop taking it because it no longer seems to be doing me much good. Primarily, I just don't feel happy -- and I have no reason not to. I mean, there are reasons why I'm not content (like my total disaster of a house!), but everything that makes me unhappy is totally within my control to fix. I know this, I even know how to fix it, but I just can't seem to muster the energy to do anything about anything. And this seems to be getting worse. Plus I miss a lot of work because I can't sleep at night, then I oversleep. Or I just don't feel like working that day, so I call in sick. This started a couple of years ago, and I thought it had to do with the job, but I've switched jobs and I'm still having the same problem.
I started taking the antidepressant at a time in my life where I really needed to make a change for myself and for my children. I don't think I would have been able to successfully leave and divorce my ex if it weren't for the drugs (for awhile I was on two).
Now that the crisis is past, maybe I don't need the drug. Maybe it is creating this horrible lethargy that I've been dealing with for the past two years. Or maybe I need MORE drugs. The difficulty with that is the doctor told me to get some blood work done over a year ago and basically told me that it better be done before my next visit, which was this past Wednesday. Well, I still didn't get it done. So I had to reschedule the appointment. How ridiculous is that? And, no, I don't have a problem with needles. The problem is I can't seem to get myself up and moving on the day I plan to do it, and so I leave it for the next Monday I don't have to be to work until 10:30. And this is basically how my life has been for the last two years.
So, we'll see if this helps.
I've decided to stop taking it because it no longer seems to be doing me much good. Primarily, I just don't feel happy -- and I have no reason not to. I mean, there are reasons why I'm not content (like my total disaster of a house!), but everything that makes me unhappy is totally within my control to fix. I know this, I even know how to fix it, but I just can't seem to muster the energy to do anything about anything. And this seems to be getting worse. Plus I miss a lot of work because I can't sleep at night, then I oversleep. Or I just don't feel like working that day, so I call in sick. This started a couple of years ago, and I thought it had to do with the job, but I've switched jobs and I'm still having the same problem.
I started taking the antidepressant at a time in my life where I really needed to make a change for myself and for my children. I don't think I would have been able to successfully leave and divorce my ex if it weren't for the drugs (for awhile I was on two).
Now that the crisis is past, maybe I don't need the drug. Maybe it is creating this horrible lethargy that I've been dealing with for the past two years. Or maybe I need MORE drugs. The difficulty with that is the doctor told me to get some blood work done over a year ago and basically told me that it better be done before my next visit, which was this past Wednesday. Well, I still didn't get it done. So I had to reschedule the appointment. How ridiculous is that? And, no, I don't have a problem with needles. The problem is I can't seem to get myself up and moving on the day I plan to do it, and so I leave it for the next Monday I don't have to be to work until 10:30. And this is basically how my life has been for the last two years.
So, we'll see if this helps.
Posted by Dede at 7:42 AM
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