Arrrrrrrrrgh!

Ahoy there, mateys! I love pirates. I loved them even before they were cool. If you read fantasy check out Robin Hobb's The Liveship Traders trilogy which starts with Ship of Magic. A fabulous series with an excellent pirate, who always ends up doing the right thing, even though he really has no intention to. (Hmm... I think I might have to re-read this.) Another book with pirates that I really enjoyed was Wyvern by A.A. Attanasio.

Today is also my non-anniversary. 19 years ago I married my now-ex husband. This is the second non-anniversary since I divorced him and for some reason I'm sadder this year. Maybe last year I was still in the angry phase. Plus last year he was trying to convince someone (maybe himself) that he was a "good" person and so I was in limited contact with him. Enough so that his most recent horribleness was still fresh in my mind. Shortly after that he once again quit his job and tried to disappear. Needless to say the conversation after I found out about the job (but before the disappearing act - couldn't do that until after he had his little drama with me), was quite unpleasant. And that was the very last time I talked to him. And that's the way I'd like to keep it. Contact with him only causes pain and suffering. I always worry on the "milestone" days that he'll pop up again and I won't be able to resist talking to him. Particularly since there's a part of me that is hoping he'll call. I still want some sign that he ever cared about me, it's hard to have loved someone for over 16 years and realize that they never cared. I know this in my head and in my soul, but somehow my heart refuses to face the truth. He never loved me because he doesn't have it in him to love anyone. And the man I loved never really existed. So, rough day.

However, in anticipation of this very melancholy, I have made plans. I'm taking my good friend Jackie out to dinner to thank her for driving me home last week when my car broke down. And what makes it even better is Jackie loves pirates too! She has an awesome pirate outfit that she wears on Halloween. I've suggested she wear it tonight, but I don't know if she'll go for that. We're going to one of my favorite restaurants that I haven't been to in years because my kids won't go with me. I wonder if I can convince Jackie to talk like a pirate all night? She's very good at it!