God, I hate PMS. I particularly hate suffering from PMS with 2 teenagers and an 8 year old in the house. I also hate having to go shopping with 1 of those teenagers and the 8 year old when I have PMS. I will probably enjoy the two boxes of chocolate I had to buy because I had PMS, although when in my right mind I will wish I hadn't.

I'm bummed because when I went to the cable company to drop off my old converter and pick up my new DVR converter they didn't have any and don't know when they will get them. I've already worked out the movies I plan on recording for the next three days. *sigh* I guess I'll have to watch them instead. I was SO looking forward to being able to pause a movie during the inevitable interuptions. I was also looking forward to being able to watch shows on between 9 and 9:30 again (which I haven't been able to do since I've started being strict about the 8 year olds 9pm bed time).

Ah, but an hour and a half with no children. HEAVEN.

Here's a pic of my start on Crown of Creation:


I'm experimenting with the Kreinik doing a full cross with 1 strand of blending filament. It looks a little sparse, but when all is said and done I don't think it will really matter. This is the first time I've had to do big blocks of the metallic so I'm not sure how it compares with a half cross of #4.

So far this has been an easy stitch, bunches of big blocks of color, very relaxing. But I've worked on it more than twice as long as I'm "supposed" to so I'll be moving on tomorrow to The Blue Rose Sampler by Nostalgic Needle. I'm looking forward to it -- the colors are lovely. I hope I don't get into that "it's not a HAED" stitching rut, though.

Labels: Crown of Creation

Arrrrrrrrrgh!

Ahoy there, mateys! I love pirates. I loved them even before they were cool. If you read fantasy check out Robin Hobb's The Liveship Traders trilogy which starts with Ship of Magic. A fabulous series with an excellent pirate, who always ends up doing the right thing, even though he really has no intention to. (Hmm... I think I might have to re-read this.) Another book with pirates that I really enjoyed was Wyvern by A.A. Attanasio.

Today is also my non-anniversary. 19 years ago I married my now-ex husband. This is the second non-anniversary since I divorced him and for some reason I'm sadder this year. Maybe last year I was still in the angry phase. Plus last year he was trying to convince someone (maybe himself) that he was a "good" person and so I was in limited contact with him. Enough so that his most recent horribleness was still fresh in my mind. Shortly after that he once again quit his job and tried to disappear. Needless to say the conversation after I found out about the job (but before the disappearing act - couldn't do that until after he had his little drama with me), was quite unpleasant. And that was the very last time I talked to him. And that's the way I'd like to keep it. Contact with him only causes pain and suffering. I always worry on the "milestone" days that he'll pop up again and I won't be able to resist talking to him. Particularly since there's a part of me that is hoping he'll call. I still want some sign that he ever cared about me, it's hard to have loved someone for over 16 years and realize that they never cared. I know this in my head and in my soul, but somehow my heart refuses to face the truth. He never loved me because he doesn't have it in him to love anyone. And the man I loved never really existed. So, rough day.

However, in anticipation of this very melancholy, I have made plans. I'm taking my good friend Jackie out to dinner to thank her for driving me home last week when my car broke down. And what makes it even better is Jackie loves pirates too! She has an awesome pirate outfit that she wears on Halloween. I've suggested she wear it tonight, but I don't know if she'll go for that. We're going to one of my favorite restaurants that I haven't been to in years because my kids won't go with me. I wonder if I can convince Jackie to talk like a pirate all night? She's very good at it!

Shame on me, I did go back to bed (and didn't get up until 5 pm). I love to sleep, I just wish I could do it at night when I'm supposed to. When I finally got up, I continued work on Desert Rose. I'm very pleased with the way this one is turning out. One of the nice things is that there really is no "background" stitching since there is so much detail even there. Anyway, here is a pic.
Details can be found here. I must say, though, that the larger image on my website doesn't look nearly as nice as this smaller one. Definitely one of those designs where you have to take a couple steps back for the image to come into focus.

And tomorrow (well today I guess since it's almost 3 am) I will finally start the much anticipated Crown of Creation!

Labels: Desert Rose

I lazed in bed this morning and found when I finally got up that the chart had been sent about 10 minutes before. She is gorgeous! Of course now I don't feel motivated to start her. Ah, I am simply never satisfied. I think perhaps I'll do some much needed cleaning and then continue working on Desert Rose. I was so hyped when Crown of Creation came out that I neglected what I was supposed to be working on. I'd really like to get to the face of the second person on top of that wall, though.

Or maybe I'll just go back to bed. I'm kind of bummed because my baby brother is getting married today and I've decided I'm not doing any travelling other than necessary with that car of mine! Best wishes Jared and Jennifer!

Labels: Crown of Creation

I've been waiting for Sara Butcher's Crown of Creation to be charted by HAED ever since Sara painted it. And finally it is! But then I had to wait until pay day before I could get it. Which was today so I ordered it first thing this morning. I've been compulsively checking my e-mail all day and it still hasn't arrived.

I wants it now. NOW, I say!!



MUST

REGAIN

CONTROL...

Labels: Crown of Creation

I have been feeling down lately. And today my car died, again. I had warning this time and chose to ignore it so it's my own fault I got stuck at WalMart. Plus the mechanic chastised me and told me I should have brought it in on Monday, but Monday I didn't have any money. But then I got a child support check for $203, how much do you want to bet the mechanic's bill comes to $204? My life is so like that. When something bad happens, a good thing counteracts it and makes the bad thing manageable. But it prevents me from getting anywhere. Or perhaps I like to think so. Obviously, to me anyway, I have a guardian angel and she is very good at her job. So I just let these things keep me stuck in my oh-so-familiar-but-less-than-comfortable rut.

I find that I resent growing old and am feeling a bit jealous of my teenage children. They are so talented and are doing the things I wish that I had done. And it makes me sad because my life could have been so different, if only I'd had the wherewithal to follow my heart. But instead I took the easy road. And I beat myself up for being upset now for what might have been if only. I know that that way lies only bitterness and I really don't want to wind up that way.

I'm angry with myself because I keep thinking about my ex. We split up over three years ago and I haven't even spoken to him for close to a year. But I still keep having dreams about him. In some he's trying to force himself back into my life and I'm afraid, in others we're back together but I realize I made a mistake and am trying to figure out how to get rid of him again, and just recently I've starting having some dreams where we're back together and I'm happy about it. I simply hate dreaming about him, I want him excised from my brain. But it's not happening and I wonder if it'll always be like this. How long does it take a victim to get over the tormenter?

Which brings me to another problem. I don't want a relationship, I'm terrified of hooking up with another abuser and I have enough to trouble dealing with my kids, I don't need to add a man into the mix. But I really, really miss sex. A lot. And casual sex is just not something I can easily do. Plus, I have a really low opinion of my desirableness and while intellectually I know that it's probably not that hard for a woman to "get some" I question who would even want me. Only some other poor, desperate soul and I can barely stand myself much less someone else.

The thing is, I've always believed myself to be a cheerful, upbeat, optimistic person -- even though I've always felt vaguely dissatisfied with my life. But I've been depressed and unable to find the motivation to do much of anything for so long. So it doesn't jive with my image of myself. So which is real and which is the facade? Am I just a miserable person or am I a happy person who has been treated badly by miserable people and allowed them to suck me into their whirlpool of discontent?

Okay, I'm tired of whining. So I'm going to stop. I may even just delete this entire post tomorrow.

P.S. Yes, I'm taking an antidepressant. And, yes, I know I need counseling. Part of the difficulty is I'm a pretty intelligent person so I know what I need to do, the problem seems to arise in actually making the effort to do it.

Completed the second round of my new rotation with a finish! This was designed by Just Nan to celebrate her 5th anniversary and was retired in 2003. It was quick to stitch and the colors are gorgeous. I particularly like the overdyed silk provided in the embellishment pack. I learned some new stitches, and particularly enjoyed band 7 rose stitch variation and band 12 ribbon cross. I've also decided that I'm not very good at beading. This is the fourth or maybe fifth try at it, so I'm hoping I improve!

Getting a good image of this was difficult, I tried both the camera and the scanner and settled on the scanned image. The fabric is not quite so dark, but the thread colors are pretty close. Plus when scanning, the beads got knocked a bit out of whack (I really did manage to get the right side of the bead facing up!).

I used the 28 count dark teal Cashel and DMC threads and I subbed #8 braid for the #4 gold.

I haven't set up the next round of my rotation, but the first slot is reserved for anything I want anyway. After making myself finish something, I need to be able to pick whatever suits my fancy! So when I get done here, I'm going to put Desert Rose (by HAED, who else?) on the scrolls. I'm going to be working on the people across the top of the wall and I'm interested to see how they will turn out.

Labels: Finally Finished

A salesman came by the house yesterday and convinced me to sign up for fiber optic internet from Verizon. It's cheaper (theoretically) and the cable I have now is constantly dropping the connection. But it's not really cheaper, because I get a special package deal from the cable company that is no longer available and if I drop the internet portion I'll have to pay through the nose for HBO. So all together it'll end up costing maybe $10 more a month. So now I'm torn, but I think I'll go ahead and try the FIOS. Besides Drew says the decision between fiber optic and cable is a no-brainer.

I put 2000 or so more stitches into Book Keep:


Details here. Next up is Just Nan's Peacock Majesty to finish, but I'm having a hard time getting motivated to put it on the scroll. Should only take a day or so to finish, though.

I got my HAED sales order yesterday and am trying to decided which one I want to start! Right now I'm leaning toward Pale Rose, Red Dragon, or Lightness of Being. Perhaps I will simply give in and start them all! Haven't done that for a while, so I might as well indulge. But then, I have so many lovely WIPs already that I'd like to see progress... So many HAEDs, so little time!

This is my WIP of HAED's Rose Tinted (details can be found here). It doesn't look like much at this point, but I'm counting on the usual HAED magic when that one stitch brings everything together and that big red blob becomes a rose.

Labels: Rose Tinted

I live very close to the Rehoboth Bay in Long Neck, Delaware and pay very close attention to the tides and coastal flood warnings during storms. I didn't really expect a problem, since the warnings were for minor tidal flooding. When I talked to my girls about an hour and a half before high tide, they said the canal was very high, but still within it's banks. I certainly was not expecting this when I got home two hours later!


The last picture was taken from about where Randi was standing in the second picture, and shows the view across the road and canal. I drove the car in because I had groceries and had honestly not expected the water to be quite so high. By the time I got done unloading the groceries, the water was high enough that a bit came in the car when Randi opened the back door to get in. I moved the car and braved the storm on foot to get back home. The wind and rain were extremely unpleasant, and we were soaked within minutes, but certainly not impossible to negotiate. A couple of times, Randi had to stop because she was unable to make headway against the wind.

Sadly, only one person of the dozen or so who passed us stopped to ask if we needed a ride (she lives behind me and stopped to tell us the water was rising fast -- she offered the ride when I told her I'd already moved my car). By the time we got back to the house, the water was up to my knees.

We never lost power, but it kept going out and coming right back on, so I turned everything off and we went to bed early. I was a little concerned how high the water might rise, low tide was around 12:30, and when we went to bed at 10:00 or so the water was still over the bottom porch step. But the storm passed and must have took the water with it. I woke up multiple times through the night and after 2:00 or so, the water started receding fairly rapidly.